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I dont know what it is today. I feel unusually ugly. I hate the sight of my legs, my stomach, my arms, my face even. Everything is just so fat. It's pathetic. I guess I'm just depressed today.

I have to travel again tomorrow. Going to Hot Springs.  I wish we could just stay home. I dont want to leave. It's like we leave every other day. Go a week, home for three days. I'm getting tired of it.

Oh well, its whatever. To make it worse all I hear is a Screaming voice in my head. Your so ugly. Hide so no one sees you. You should be ashamed.

I am. Beleive me....I am.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sorry, things didn't go according to plan. :(

The Marykate Challenge didn't work out this time. It was my birthday so I wasnt able to complte about three days of the challenge.

So untill monday I am just fasting. But rest assured when it comes to Monday I will be starting The Marykate Challenge over. Ugh Just once I would like to be able to finish something. :(
 
 
 
 
 
 

Masterpiece by Meg & Dia

"Done by the hands of a broken artist.
You painted black where my naked heart is.
I finally know what wrong is.
Now I finally know what wrong is.
Carved like a stone with your hands still shaking.
On display through a soul still breaking.
Aren't you proud you're the one that made me?
Aren't you proud you're the one that made me?

You can't erase these.
Lines you can't save me.
You can't display me.
You know what dismay means.
I can't even try to.
Remember what I knew.
Before I became your.
Model to claim no."

Fighting for Nothing by Meg & Dia

"But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing?"

Those two really move me for some reason. I hope that they inspire you as well! :)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Hey girlys,
Sorry its been so long since I've posted.

Day 1 of the MaryKate Challenge.
 
Calorie Intake:                           Excercise (in minutes):                Sit-Ups:
1 1/2 cup of cabbage               About 5 Minutes                             120 Sit-ups
11 baby carrots                        Just did 120 crunches :(                7/8 Points
about 80-90 Cals.                   1/8 Points
7/8 Points

Sleep (in hours):                     Water (Glasses):                             Commenting 3 Sites: 
2 a.m- 10 a.m                          3 glasses                                          7/7 Points
8 Hours                                     3/8 Points
6/8 Points                                                                                                            

Binging:                                    Resisting Food:                              Every Cup of Green Tea:
X/-5                                            3 Points                                            3 Points

Total: 37/50 Points   74% :(

Day 2 of the Marykate Challenge ( So far)

Calorie Intake:                 Excercise (in minutes):                     Sit-Ups:
Fasting                             40 Minutes                                           130 Sit-ups
8/8 Points                         6/8 Points                                            8/8 Points

Sleep:                              Water:                               Commenting 3 Sites:          
9 Hours                          3/8 Points                          7/7 Points
6/8 Points

Binging:                        Resisting Food:                Every Cup of Green Tea:
X/-5 Points                   2 Points                              4 Cups of Green Tea
                                                                                   4 Points 
Total:  45/50   90%
Better but Hopefully I can drink 4 glasses of water and that will up it some more. Then I'm going to excercise 20 more minutes. Running. AHhhhhh! And that will up it even more.
Today I weighed at 139.8. :( That put a damper on my day. I wanted to be lower by now. Hopefully by next week I'll be 130. Is that Realistic?

If any of you girlys are interested in starting the challenge just ask me and I will send it to you. There is a community for it, but for the life of me I cant find it!! If any of you know which one I'm talking about send me the link please! Thanks so much if you do!
Love you girlys! :)

Yay, I made it through a whole day of fasting! and I drank 2 more glasses of water! Whiched upped my score to 45/50 or 90% :)

Cant wait to start tommorrow!!! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 

Hey girlys!

So Here is another one of my fav. workout sessions I do all of these every other day, and you should to! :) They are all really working!!!

Butt Workout :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQYYM6t8Qfk

Amazing Ab Workout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn6eGhGv1zo&feature=channel

Holiday Fat burner! ( I use it all the time anyway!) :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl-qdGuREZo&NR=1

Swiss Ball Workout
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQrebXbos30&feature=channel

There it is
Girlys!

Shout out to Kaylyn8sq
Love you girly! :)
So happy that your here to keep me going!







 
 
 
 
 
 
Ugh I have to stop doing this!!!!
Long story short
:I obviously havent been able to post for forever because tons of crap in my life. I'll tell you about it one day kiddies I promise. But not tonight! ;)
I've mised you all like so much!!! :(

I've redone my stats!
All of my time on here I have inaccuratly posted my height! I know I am so stupid!
Height: 5'6'
CW:135 ( I am horrible, like I said Lots of crap in my life but thats no excuse, so I am sorry!)
HW:160
LW:126
GW#1:132
GW#2:127
UGW:100

So I promise these are the most accurate stats I have! Sorry for the mix up.
SO I havent been able to purge because my darn wisdom teeth were cut out! OWWWWW lol

I'm so happy to be back!!!! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hey loverlies!!!

Tommorrow is my first day of ABC.

Today I fasted. Not one bite of food went threw these lips! OH YEAH!! lol
Tomorrow i get 500 cal.
YUCK! I dont even want that. But I have to.

Wish me luck! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hey girlys!!

I just recently got AIM!
I would love to have support buddies on there!! :)
Add me!
onedaybeautiful

Cant wait to hear from you!!! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hey girlys!!

I just recently got AIM!!
I would love to have support buddies on there too!! :)
Add me!
onedaybeautiful

Cant wait to hear from you guys! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 

SURVEY
[x] anorexia
[x] binge eating
[x] bulimic (with laxies)
[] living off
diet pills
[x] hungry
[x] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[x] starving yourself
[x] participating in a fast 
[] bingeing

PEOPLE -
[] ask if I’m bulimic
[] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic


I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 100 lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x]
green tea
[] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes. (Not Sometimes ALWAYS)
[] I have many scars.
[] I tan easily.
[] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses. (sometimes)
[x] I would get
plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[] I have more than 2 piercings.
[] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.


FAMILY
[] I've sworn at my parents.
[] I've run away from home.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.
[] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[x] I'm single
[] I'm in a relationship.
[] I'm engaged.
[] I'm married.
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[] I've cheated in a relationship.
[] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[] I am a cuddler.
[] I've been kissed in the rain.
[] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[] I've snuck out of my house.
[] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[] I've cheated while playing a game.
[] I've cheated on a test.
[] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[] I've consumed alcohol.
[] I regularly drink.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time ( These are perscriptions thank you! )
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[] I'm addicted to self harm.
[] I've woken up crying

[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.


[] I'm at my thinnest
[x] I'm at my biggest 
[x] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily

[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat - if i ate too much or something unhealthy
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[] I've taken diet pills
[x] I've used laxatives
[x] I've purged

HAVE/HAD
[x] Bulimia
[x] Anorexia
[] Ednos
[] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising
[x] Binge eating


[x] I exercise
[] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
I dont do drugs period!!

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a ED blog (here...)
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[x] I love food

[x] I want to be this way
[] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[x] Being thin is one of my top priority
[x] I don't want to get better
[] I am in treatment

[x] I'm doing this for me
[] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove myself